Fox Office
by Nyltiak
Summary: The Brotherhood is paying a little visit to the head of merchandising at Fox. Includes rantings by Toad, Mystique, and Sabretooth. If you don't find it amusing, you can at least find solace that there is someone in the world crazier than you.


Author's Note: This little number was born out of outrage at the X-Men the Book thingy and how positivly WHIMPY Mort was in the X-Ledgends game. Anyvays. So, after I vented a bit, I decided, hmm. Other characters might be pissed off too.

And then I went to the doctors office with a young sibling...and I began to imagine what the Brotherhood would be like in a waiting room.

I think that there's something SERIOUSLY wrong with me.

Miss Erica Anderson had never in her life seen an odder sight than was laid in front of her at that moment. As a secretary in the Fox Corporation's main lobby, one did see some _rather_ odd things, but none quite so queer as the four people seated in the chairs in front of her.

Fifteen minutes before, a regal looking gentleman had lead in a small group of adults in their late twenties and early thirties. "I want you all on your very best behaviour."

"Can we get icecream if we're good?" piped up a man in a large black sweatshirt, his hood pulled up over his face. For a split second, Ms. Anderson saw under the hood as they sat, the face under the cowl undoubtably green.

"Maybe." responded the gentleman.

"Maybe always means 'no'," whined yet another man. He looked almost feral with his darkened eyes and long, ratty blonde hair. The most normal looking of the group, a young asian girl, elbowed this man in the ribs. "E-r-i-k!" he whined. "Make her stop!"

"Quiet, all of you!" they instantly fell silent, occupying three seats in the waiting area. The regal looking gentleman walked up to her desk, smiling pleasantly. "Hello. My name is Erik Lensherr. I believe I have an appointment with..." he thought for a moment, then waved his hand dissmissivly. "Whoever runs this blasted company." Erica checked her ledger.

"Erik Lensherr, party of four. I've got you right here."

"...this is an office, correct?"

"Mr. Johnson will see you in a moment."

"Mr. Johnson...?"

"He's one of the heads of board here at Fox."

"I see." said Mr. Lensherr, taking his seat along with his companions.

"Erik," said the hooded one under his breath. "could you get me a lollypop from that lady's desk?"

"Why don't you get it?"

"I don't _want _to get it."

"If you want it, you'll get it!" he said.

"But Erik, I'm _hungry." _he protested.

"One of those pathetic dum-dum lollypops are not going to-"

"Please...?"

"Why don't y_ou _go up?"

"Because!"

"Fine!" said Erik exasperatedly. He stalked over to Erica's desk and snatched several lollypops, handing them out among his party, giving the hooded one two. "I know you'll just ask for another one later." he muttered.

"...Mr. Lensherr..." Erica said hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Johnson will see you now." suddenly, the one with the hood and the asian woman adopted a great deal of purpose, following Erica, their glares almost burning in to the back of her head. She opened the door for them, and watched them all enter, closed the door, and tried to listen to their conversation. The asian woman instantly morphed in to her natural state; blue, scaled, and very near naked.

Mr. Johnson looked up as the other man lowered his hood, revealing a green face, and glittering gold eyes.

"We got a bone to pick with you." he said.

"Toad, Mystique...Sabretooth! Why don't you take a seat. We'll work this out."

"Work it out?! I'll work it bloody out!" shouted Toad, glaring at him, his fists clenched.

"So, let's start out by telling me what exactly is your problem with the merchendicing-"

"You want to know what my problem is?!" shouted Toad, taking copies of the X-Men the Book, and the X-Men Ledgends game. He jabbed an accusing finger at the chairman. "I'm the one that drives the plane! How can I be left behind?! These three couldn't drive a jet SIMULATION." he said seethingly. The other three Brotherhood members smiled somewhat sheepishly. "And I'm tired of being described as 'grotesque'! I'M NOT BLOODY GROTESQUE! I'm less grotesque than stupid _HUGH JACKMAN!_ And eating birds is not perverted! HOW IS EATING A BIRD-"

"Alright, let's all calm down..." said Mr. Johnson nervously. He knew how much damage the green man could do when angered, and, after all, he would be rather upset to part with his spinal cord.

"We haven't gotten riled _up_ yet!" hissed Mystique, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"What do you-"

"I'm constantly walking around in the _nude! DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD THAT IS?!_ Not to mention uncomfortable! I live with three men, and one of them happens to be twice my age, you sick minded....sicko!! I'm like some kind of damn blue LIZARD! I have scales e_verywh-"_

"Alright, Mystique. That's quite enough." said Magneto said, slightly peeved. Toad and Sabretooth snickered behind their hands.

"Sabretooth, what do you have to say?" asked Johnson, his face paling at the absolutely bloodthirsty look on the mutant's face.

"I am not a _thing. _ He said, snatching his own copy of the X-Men Novelization out of his pocket. "I am not a _monstrosity. _I am certainly not the 'most disgusting thing Rogue has ever seen'! You could have just called me 'ugly', or 'freakish'. But NO! You have to make me out as if I'm some kind of puss filled squid monster. That _died_ two weeks ago! And that your Grandmother is making you _eat!" _Victor's teeth were clenched and a growl rumbled in his throat.

"And what the bloody hell is this about me being 'heavy'?!" he snapped, pointing to the passage in which he devoured the pigeon in Magneto's cave. "I'm the lightest of all of them!"

"And what's this about me being weak?!"

"And I am _not _as stupid as a brain dead badger!"

"Let's take the good with the bad, ladies and gentlemen!" said Johnson hurriedly. He turned to Mortimer. "I said that you'd enjoy squishing the life out of Jean and Cyclops, Toad and-"

"But then you said I was _a constant whiner._ I don't quite remember _whining_ while kicking the X-Men's collective ass." he muttered crossly.

"...how can we reach a settlement here?" he asked nervously.

"I believe what my counterparts would like is an accurate depiction of our battles with the X-men. I also believe that Mystique would appreciate less scales and more clothes." Magneto paused for a moment, looking at his Brotherhood's faces carefully. All of them were still flushed with anger. "I would also suggest you take a closer look at a picture of Ray Park, in my opinion, he is _far _above 'grotesque'." Toad beamed despite himself. Mystique nodded in agreement.

"He's absolutely _de-lecious._" she said. Sabretooth began guffawing and Toad blushed heavily, turning quite a darker green.

"What?" she said defensively. "It was a compliment."

"Anyway," mumbled Toad, his face still burning. "Also, in this game, why am I hunched over?! I know that I _can _fight like that, but it puts me at a disadvantage! What am I gonna do?! punch the X-Men in the feet?"

"I realize there are some some problems with the game but-" Mystique's eyes flashed again.

"At least I'm wearing _clothing_ in the game."

"Just 'ta let ya know Raven- you _are _wearing _red leather-"_

"I DON'T CARE!"

"I kind of like the game." said Sabretooth thoughtfully.

"...you played it?"

"Well, didn't you?"

"Well, I guess-"

"End of story. Toad, I have to admit, you looked pretty cool."

"And I was taller than Mystique." he said, grinning slightly. "I didn't have too bad of lines either, which is always a plus. Not like I can say the same for that white haired twit. "I feel as strong as a hurricane"?! What the bloody hell is that? I'll mercifully ignore that whole 'interrogation' bit." he shook his head.

"And I have to admit, the guns are cool." interjected Mystique. "Magneto, after the ice cream, can we stop by Wal-Mart?"

"I said it before, I'll say it again- _maybe._"

"Wait-a-minute." said Toad, turning to Magneto, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "There were thugs in here." he jabbed his finger at the game. "You never told us we had any bloody thugs! Where were these thugs when we needed 'em, at Liberty Island?!"

"There...aren't any thugs..."

"There have been thugs all along, haven't there?!" he snapped.

"Of course not!" Mystique, Sabretooth and Toad all gave him a look- The Look, which usually rendered people in to puddles of plasmatic jelly. "Alright- there have been a few thugs-"

"Alright, _more _than a few thugs. I was going to tell you earlier but-"

"But nothin'! We could have used those things!"

"Me too! I almost turned out as a Shish-Kabob!"

"Here here!"

"I was working out a few bugs in them back then. Those stupid Kemonians..." he ended his sentence in grumbling, running his hand through his hair. Toad shared a worried glance with Mystique.

Sabretooth turned to Johnson, who was trying to sneak out the door past the bickering mutants. "Don't think we've forgotten about you." the Fox Rep. slunk back to his desk.

"One last thing." said Mystique, morphing back in to the asian woman. "If you speak to this meeting to _anyone_, we will find you. Correct your mistakes, Fox demon, and we won't be forced to give your spinal column to Toad as a jumping rope."

Toad's face fell conciderably, and cursed under his breath.

Erica, the Fox lobby's secretary, ran back to her desk, trying to stay calm. She watched as the troupe walked out the lobby, the green one with his hood pulled up, begging to stop by Cold Stone Creamery.

"Do you think the folks there will be very happy about a helicopter in their parking lot, Mortimer?"

"They won't care." he protested. "Money is money, right?"

"My 'copter, my rules." shrugged Toad. A webbed hand darted in to the lollypop bowl on her desk, snatching two more away, and they were gone.


End file.
